When it comes to grandchildren, most grandparents hope to spoil them, send them home and leave the "raising" to the parents.

But when, for some sudden unfortunate event or set of circumstances, those children must move in and grandparents are faced with the sole responsibility of childrearing for the second time, the blessing of grandchildren may be a mixed one.

One grandmother's story

Georgia Lohman of Benton is grandparenting for the third time.

In her own words, "There were no questions asked when faced with raising my first grandchild 16 years ago. It never occurred to me that anyone else would take care of that beautiful baby when my own teenage daughter was unable to take the responsibility herself. I brought my granddaughter home from the hospital and have raised her with absolutely no regrets."

"I've tried to keep a good balance between being the indulgent grandma and being the mom. But that's not easy. Now I have another daughter and her two toddlers living in my home. This is my third set of children. It's more difficult this time around. I'm older now, have less energy, and am not in good health."

"I have one going through those sometimes difficult teen years, and I still work part time. But, I'll do everything in my power to take care of these children, until my daughter completes her education and gets her life together. I see her trying, so I do all I can to help."

"I know I can do it short term. I'm not sure if I could completely raise another baby at my age. As a matter of fact, I hardly think it would be best for the child if there is any other viable alternative."

"Emotions run high for the child, the grandparent, and the parent. As the grandparent you have compassion for the child versus anxiety over your own child's behavior, versus the physical, emotional and financial stress of caregiving. It can get very hard."

"Sometimes I wonder if I can take it. But I have learned along the way that there are other people in the same circumstances and a multitude of resources available for support. And, after all, these are my grandchildren."

Facing common situations

Lohman is one of over 103,000 grandparents in Illinois facing the responsibility of raising the children of their children. Nationally the number increased 30 percent from 1990-2000, according to census reports. The median age of the caregiving grandparent is 57 today, an age where folks traditionally slow down and downsize.

Experts feel that the increasing number of grandparents raising grandchildren is due to the ever-high incidence of teen pregnancy, meth addiction, drug and alcohol abuse, unemployment/poverty, parent imprisonment, and general abandonment.

Whatever the reason, the questions facing grandparents remain common and are being voiced loud enough to be heard.

• Do I have proper space to house a child?

• How can I afford this?

• What type of guardianship or custody should I have?

• How will I pay legal expenses?

• What do I know about school these days?

• Will I ever find time for myself?

• Where can I go for help?

Finding answers through networking

Prompted by the commonality of issues, staggering statistics, and new trends, governmental agencies and private entities have started programs that network together offering assistance to grandfamilies.

Mary Lou Loos is a psychologist at Catholic Social Services (CSS) in Carbondale whose organization is contracted with the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services to provide placement for children taken out of their home.

"Not only do we find homes for children, we offer counseling through licensed therapists and parenting programs often through local school districts on topics of interest to grandfamilies," Loos says.

CSS bands together with a number of state agencies for alternative resources and often refers elderly caregivers to such agencies as The Illinois Department on Aging and the Egyptian Area Agency on Aging, which offer excellent information and services to meet the needs of grandparents raising grandchildren.

The Illinois Department of Human Services connects families with resources offering legal aid, food programs, financial assistance, family counseling, and other programs of informational and emotional support.

According to John Shadowens, manager of prevention services at the Franklin-Williamson Department of Human Services in West Frankfort, "Grandparent caregivers need time away from the kids, as well as assistance from a mentor who may be more physically active or in tune with today's issues. Our staff handles the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program, providing quality mentoring to children who need a positive adult role model."

Other DHS services include pre-natal to early childhood programs, the CHAMPS program for children whose parents are incarcerated, and classes on child protection, drug abuse and addiction issues.

Local school districts aware of the increasing number of grandparents in charge of a child's education also offer assistance.

"It is state law that grandparents need no guardianship or custody order to enroll a child in school as long as the grandparent has responsibility for the child and can show that the child is living in the home," says Jamie Neal, principal of Benton Grade School.

Schools throughout Southern Illinois work with special education co-ops and SIU Pre-K to target children for early childhood education, lap sits, family involvement centers, and informational classes, all helpful to grandparents.

Older caregivers realize that it is perfectly acceptable to reach out both to the agencies and to each other.

"Times have changed," says Miranda Peterson, RNC, Maternal Child Community Educator at Western Baptist Hospital in Paducah. Peterson teaches a class each quarter in which grandparents learn home and car seat safety, CPR for babies, and discuss health issues for grandparents as caregivers.

"No longer do we sterilize bottles or allow babies to sleep on their backs as was the norm when grandparents raised their own children," Peterson explains. "We prepare grandparents for the 'new art' of child care."

Grandparents raising grandchildren need connection with others and have begun to network among themselves through support groups, internet blogs and discussion forums.

A new trend for computer savvy grandparents raising grandchildren, blogs are websites on which people journal their thoughts about common issues. New sites specifically for grandparents allow participants to communicate anonymously and learn from each other.

As Lohman admits, "I honestly never thought I would still be raising children at my age. But, as with everything, we play with the hand life deals us. After all, these are my grandchildren."

10 Tips for grandparents

1. Be bold about networking. Tap available resources.

2. Search for insightful information through magazines, support groups and the internet to keep up with current trends.

3. Get to know your grandchild's friends and their families. Never accept "I'm going to a friend's house." Find out which friend.

4. Be involved in as many aspects of the child's life as possible.

5. Volunteer at school to become familiar with current educational trends and the child's peers.

6. Keep communication open. Take time to really listen and try to read between the lines. There is usually much left unsaid.

7. Be consistent in encouragement and support as well as discipline. Remember that children have fragile emotions inside even if they seem to have a hard exterior.

8. Avoid being negative about the child's parents. Children have enough to handle without having to hear about their parents' problems. Teach them that we can be angry with someone's behavior and still care about them.

9. Make raising the child a natural process - not a burden. Communicate with others to see how they do it.

10. Love the children you are raising, be positive, and strive to make each day a pleasurable memory.

Grandparenting resources*

* Egyptian Area Agency on Aging: 618-985-8311

* Shawnee Alliance for Seniors: 800-642-7773 or 618-985-8322

* Illinois Senior Help Line: 800-252-8966

* Illinois Department of Human Services: 800-843-6154

* Illinois Department on Aging: 800-252-8966

* Illinois Department of Children and Family Services, Marion regional office: 618-993-7100

* Catholic Social Services: 618-351-0743

* Social Security Administration: 800-772-1213

* AARP Hotline: 800-424-2310

*This is not an exhaustive list

Internet sites

* Grandparent Foundation - www.grandparenting.org

* Full Circle of Care - www.fullcirclecare.org

* Free online magazine - www.grandparentmagazine.com

* Illinois State Departments - www.state.il.us